Category Archives: Alignment

Stuck In A Suffering-Healing Cycle? Here’s What’s Really Going On

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I advocate for taking 100% responsibility for our realities and relationships.

However, this belief has sometimes had the interesting effect of causing me to accept behavior that feels truly emotionally abusive and narcissistic.

In fact, these “spiritual” beliefs, when misunderstood, can actually disempower people and encourage them to stay in relationships that are unhealthy.

Our “conscious” wisdom tells us we should stay in partnerships that trigger us because they are good for us.

Because through them we can heal our primary caretaker wounds, our attachment issues, our childhood traumas, our [insert your favorite self-help term here].

Because we should be able to accept and love what’s showing up for us, and if not, well—we’re not “doing our work.”

(But wait—don’t say “should!”)

I am here to say: Fuck. That.

Elizabeth DiAlto speaks to this more eloquently when she distinguishes between resistance vs. dissonance.

“In the self-help and personal development world, there is so much emphasis on owning your side of things, noticing your triggers, etc. And we sometimes internalize and put pressure on ourselves to get okay with things or to lean into things that just simply aren’t healthy for us. And we override knowing better for ourselves,” she says.

“Whereas resistance begs inquiry, dissonance does not. Dissonance says: ‘not for you, move on.’ When something is healthy for you, it’s useful or productive in some way. Which means in no way is it punishing, self-sacrificial nor does it constantly trigger you into coping or dissociative behavior.”

So, guess what.

You don’t have to suffer to heal your issues.

Hardship? Sure.

Feeling and inquiring into your pain? Of course.

Conflict that results in discovery and deepening and doesn’t diminish your light and life? Yes!

But, staying in continual patterns of suffering to “heal your wounds” is simply another form of self-punishment.

This can be threaded back to unhealthy societal patterns we learned through religion, our parents, instilled “martyr” syndrome, etc.

You might think you’re being super spiritual and strong, but you’re actually buying into the same Type-A, aggressive, overly masculinized culture we were raised in—your ego has just tricked you to think it’s for the sake of “evolution.”

It’s a trap.

You don’t have to suffer to heal your issues.

Unless you believe that you do.

Then, fuck. You definitely do.

P.S. This is something I have to relearn over and over again. Sending you hugs if you’re in it. 💜 Let me know if I can help get you out of it.

Align With the Moon Cycles to Enhance Your Productivity

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Sept. 1 is the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Virgo, which marks the beginning of a new cycle.

“What is planted here can catch and grow in the waxing light to come,” says Laura Larriva. “Solar eclipses block the force of the solar radiation enough to reset our consciousness here on earth. We have space to intend anew, and what we intend, we receive. This is practical magic.”

Living and working in flow with the cycles of nature can help us reclaim and feel parts of our essence that might otherwise get lost in the day-to-day battle to get things done.

To honor this flow, I’m offering you my handcrafted Moon Cycle Work Flow sheet for free. (This sheet can also be found in my Holistic Day Design packet.)

Continue reading Align With the Moon Cycles to Enhance Your Productivity

Swing Dance Your Way Out of Shitty… And Then Plan Your Magical 2016

I was feeling really shitty today.

“Do you need solutions or cuddles?” my partner asked me. I mrar-ed and squirmed into his shoulder, but when he went back to his work, I went back to shitty.

Seeing me continuing to mope, he got up again and twirled me around to a swing song.

Round and round I went, and with each turn the smile on my face got wider. Whether it was the vertigo or the thrill of avoiding the scattered objects we’re packing to move him to Colorado in nine days, I’m not sure. But, it pumped invigoration into my heart.

So, I sat down and started to dive in to Susannah Conway’s breathtaking (and free!) Unravelling the Year Ahead: 2016 guide.

It’s beautiful, unique, feminine—and exactly what I need right now.

While I’m still kind of feeling kind of shitty, it’s a hopeful-shitty.

And maybe, I can keep chopping off what makes me feel “itty,” until just the calming, watery sound of shhhhhh is left, to mother me back home to myself.

(Thanks, Susannah. And thank you to my love, infinitely, for all the times you scoop up my heart and fill it with bubbles.)

P.S. Once you’ve gone through Susannah’s (or another person’s) 2016 planning, check out my 28-page Holistic Day Design atlas. It’s an all-year-long packet full of checklists, to-dos, day blueprints and intentional planning tools. Use it once you’ve found your honing words for 2016 and make the year magical.

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I’m Discontinuing My Coaching and Course. Here’s Why.

I want to write you an honest letter about “coaching.”

It seems to me that the word has become diluted.

In some forms, coaching has become another way sell a quick fix—to sell the belief that if you pay for an hour of coaching, what you want to be “fixed” will automatically be fixed.

First of all, that’s a lot of pressure on a coach! Second of all, it’s practically impossible.

Anyone who tells you they can transform your life in 60 minutes is selling you a lie.

And, it might not be on purpose. There are people you can spend an hour with who can completely shift your perspective, calling you to your gifts and how to live your life through them, showcase them and offer them up for value in the world…

But that still takes work, time and energy after the session is over.

Someone looking for an hour-long quick fix with no additional input or intention afterward is not going to find what they’re looking for.

Because the only person who can transform your life is you.

And so, in an effort to dive into and evaluate this, I’m putting my one-time coaching and current course on indefinite hold.

Why?

I want to offer more value to people, I want to put less pressure on myself, and I want to feel valued in what I’m offering—to the point where I don’t have to constantly market or cobble together one-time clients to make an income for myself.

Besides, for most coaches, a one-hour session isn’t just that hour. It’s at least an hour of preparation beforehand, perhaps sending a client a questionnaire and reviewing it, perhaps more. Then, it’s maybe 30 minutes each way of transit time to and from the session if it’s in-person (a lot of mine are). Then, it’s another hour of writing and curating a follow-up email with action steps, strategies and notes from our session as a keepsake.

That’s four hours minimum of work, not counting the marketing to reach that client.

I also often discount my one-time session coaching (another dilution I’m stopping), depending on the circumstances.

Which often means I end up not feeling valued, because I’m not valuing my work at the level I need to be. And this translates to the client not receiving optimal value either.

This work is valuable, but I have little space to do it if I’m worrying about making a sale every time I send an email.

So. I’m discontinuing my coaching and current course indefinitely.

And I’m offering a one-price package in case you want to grab them before I take them offline on Jan. 1.

One price. Three things. No other options.

You’ll get:

  1. My Manifest Like a Mofo 9-week online course (Cost: $188)
  2. A 60-min Coaching Session to be used before Jan. 15, 2016 (Cost: $200)
  3. My Holistic Day Design Productivity Atlas* (Cost: $21)

That totals to $409.

Right now, you can grab all three for $177. You can also gift them to someone.

coaching package 2015Here’s the only link to grab the $177 package. That’s my final offer.

Also, if you don’t use your coaching session before Jan. 15, 2016, it will disappear into the ether (which is the same place it will go if you aren’t ready to put in the work after the session is over). :)

(*I am going to keep offering my Holistic Day Design packet and my Revive & Strategize Weekend, but those will be undergoing some major renovations in the coming months.)

I cannot even explain how freeing and exciting and nerve-wracking this feels inside me. How terrifying, really. I’m someone who believes in money channels. That money flows through us via channels, and we can turn them on and off… And, I ask myself: Do I really want to close off this channel? What if another one doesn’t open up?

And yet… I can’t help noticing the feeling of freedom and aliveness writing this to you.

So, I’m doing it.

To open up to new ways of being and offering, and really focusing on what I want to share and create that can be of immense value.

Here’s to an amazing 2016.

The Holidays With Loved Ones: 15 More Questions Worth Asking at The Table

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Since my last post, Thanksgiving and Gratitude: Four Real Questions Worth Asking at The Table, turned out to be wildly popular, I decided to post more questions to help you go deeper with your loved ones during the holidays (or any time!).

It is my belief that through self-inquiry and self-expression—in both solitude and community—we can learn to thrive as our whole selves in the world.

Here are 15 questions to help you do that.

Of them, some are sourced from the If: Gathering and spiced with my own flavor, and some are purely from my own inspiration.

Enjoy!

1) If we could pull up one more chair at the table, who would you invite? Why?
2) What is one thing we don’t know about you that you hold sacred?
3) What is trying to be born through you?
4) What are you learning about yourself right now?
5) What are some words that you want to describe this season of your life?
6) Tell a story about an answered prayer or desire that felt magical to you.
7) What makes it easier for you to connect to the Divine?
8) What is one thing that keeps you from being truly authentic with others?
9) What are you believing right now that you know isn’t true?
10) What is one area of your life where you need more strength and support?
11) Share a time when someone else’s honesty gave you permission to be honest.
12) What are you avoiding right now that is important to you?
13) What one thing in your life do you feel like quitting?
14) How have you loved someone in the details of their life lately?
15) What’s one thing you sense the Divine is asking you to do?

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How Lara Catone Lives All of Her: Revitalizing Sex Education Through Embodiment

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This is part of the Live All of You Interview Series! For more on what this is all about, head over to the intro post and make sure to sign up to find out who I’ll be interviewing next.

When I first heard of Lara Catone, I was about to head out on a road trip to connect with my gravity-bound self again. I had been traveling by plane way too much, and I’d been feeling a deep need to commune with the earth.

I wanted to root, not route. I wanted to flow, not fly. I wanted to be humbled by gravity, not scanned for metal, put in metal and spit out in a different time zone.

And I wanted to touch in to my divine feminine—my creative force, my inner Shakti, my innate wisdom. And so, I headed to Shakti Fest, a festival that honors the divine feminine.

I spoke with Lara briefly via email beforehand, and I felt very called to attending her workshops at the festival. She defined the divine feminine to me as pleasure incarnate, as a dancer, as holy and irreverent. She is deeply well studied and interested not only in the spiritual aspect of things, but the scientific and historic. These dual aspects of her nature resonated with me.

Having experienced her exquisitely strong, soft, wise nature in workshops multiple times now, I am so happy to introduce you to her in the Live All of You Interview Series.

Lara is a somatic sexologist and sex educator who supports women in healing and coming into wholeness. As the founder of The Artemis School, the first and only educational institution weaving sex education with embodiment and nature-based mystery traditions, Lara believes that our sexual energy is the vital life force behind everything we create.

And… I have an announcement!

Finally, after having this in my heart for months… I’m delighted to share that in 2016, I’ll be attending The Artemis School!

I feel spellbound thinking about this journey toward becoming a sex educator and practitioner of women’s holistic sexuality—and even more so, about connecting more deeply with my self and other women in this context.

And now, I present to you: Lara Catone.

Continue reading How Lara Catone Lives All of Her: Revitalizing Sex Education Through Embodiment

How Tonya Leigh Lives All of Her: On Leisure, Hustle and The Power of Adornment

IMG_9060This is part of the Live All of You Interview Series! For more on what this is all about, head over to the intro post and make sure to sign up to find out who I’ll be interviewing next.

For my very first interview in the Live All of You Series, I am so happy to introduce you to my fellow Coloradan, Tonya Leigh. An admitted hedonist, Francophile, romantic and insatiable curator of experiences, Tonya is an absolute joy to behold.

She’s a certified Master Coach, an internationally-trained sommelier, and a joie de vivre instigator for women of every age. And she fuses all her passions into her business, French Kiss Life (which is part of her credo: “French Kiss Life. Cherish The World. And The Rest Will Follow”).

Tonya truly lives what she teaches, and I’m proud to introduce her to Live All of You readers as one of the women who inspires me to live fully.

Read on for the full interview! Continue reading How Tonya Leigh Lives All of Her: On Leisure, Hustle and The Power of Adornment

A Story About A Bike + Receiving vs. Manifesting + Love Something A F*cking Lot

When I came back to New York last Friday, my bike was gone. It had three locks on it, but it didn’t matter. It had vanished.

I know. It’s just a bike, right? This happens all the time.

But, sometimes I think about what the thieves were like, where they are now, where my bike is. I think about it being in a warehouse with other bikes, or being sold, or being painted to hide its identity. I think about how they may have plotted to steal it, about how much time it took to hack through my heavy-duty cloth-covered chain in the dead of night.

I wonder who it will belong to now.

On the weekend at my mother’s house in New Jersey, I mourned my bike and the things it gave me: the discovery of neighborhood cafes and restaurants, the freedom of meandering the city to my leisure, the windblown rush of zipping down streets crowded with honking cars—ultimately, a sense of belonging in New York. I would feel it when stopped at a red light with other cyclists, or co-yelling at tourists in the bike lane on the Brooklyn Bridge. We were one unit; we were bicyclists.

I hadn’t historically been the biggest fan of New York—but having a bike had helped to shift that for me. Continue reading A Story About A Bike + Receiving vs. Manifesting + Love Something A F*cking Lot