Category Archives: Relationships

The 12 Nonfiction Books That Have Changed How I Live In the World

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As I was purchasing the Kindle version of Big Magic today (note: everything Elizabeth Gilbert writes/says/does should be on an artist’s priority list of conscious consumption), I realized I hadn’t written about my own list of books that have changed my life.

So with no further adieu, here they are!

These books have completely helped me upgrade my communication, relationships, business and health in the last few years, and I’m super grateful for them.

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Behind the Scenes: How I Add Value to My Coaching with Show Notes

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One of the biggest (and most fun) ways I add value to my coaching practice actually happens after our call or in-person jam sesh is over.

After every session, I email what I call “show notes” to my clients.
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Ignore Your Ego? Maybe It’s Worth a Listen

wildwoman

I went to an intense yoga class with my teacher two days ago. Everyone felt it; I know this because he said toward the end: “Seven more minutes of class, guys.” And everyone laughed. Because damn, we were all wondering.

In the beginning of class, he shared with us something that resonated with him via one of his teachers, Erich Schiffmann:

In every moment, you’re either connecting to Source or reiterating the ignorance of the ego.

It danced over my skin when he said it.

Throughout class, I thought about it. I thought about how much I was seeing the appearance of ego in my own life lately, and in particular my relationship.

I had been making everything about me. I pointed out to my partner that even the simplest thing he was saying—she’s really really smart, for example—was triggering me. Wasn’t I really smart, too? Yes. Do I want to crawl into a shame hole for even admitting to thinking this way? Yes.

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Renewing Your Relationship Driver’s License | Avocado Mornings #3

Happy Thursday! It’s Avocado Mornings, Episode Three. This week I talk about why it’s important to renew your commitment to your relationship—or rather, your license to continue driving it forward (fun phrasing!). Read the post below, listen to me talk about it, or both.

Here’s the audio link (will open in a new tab): Renewing Your Relationship Driver’s License

You know that feeling when you first move to a city or travel somewhere, and everything around you is so vibrant, so checkered with possibility?

Then as time passes, the wonder starts to fade into the background. It’s like the way you start not seeing things in your home, like something on top of a bookcase or a painting on the wall. When you move out, you might not even remember these things until the walls are bare, because you can hardly see them anymore. They melt into part of a structure that you rely on. And, that you can take for granted if you’re not careful.

We get used to things. We accustom. And this I think, is the most important thing we need to focus on in relationships. In fact, I think it can single-handedly be responsible for killing great relationships.

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The One Question to Ask When You Feel Stuck in Relationship

The thing that gets me into sticky spots in relationships is often in regards to freedom. I crave it, I grow from it, and I structure my life around it. I’ve gone through many positive experiences with partners and freedom… and I’ve also gone through all the negative patterns that cause relationships to fail—withholding, projecting, concealing, controlling, etc. What I’ve been working with most is figuring out how to heal the threat I feel when I fear someone wants to limit my freedom, particularly the freedom to express myself fully.

Perhaps though, if we find we’re constantly coming up against the challenge of needing the same thing again and again from others (for me, permission to be free and express myself) and feeling frustrated that we’re not getting it—maybe we need to live that aspect of ourselves more. We need to give ourselves the freedom to be first, before we can expect full acceptance from others.

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What Does “Conscious Loving” Really Mean? A Conversation with Kathlyn Hendricks

Kathlyn talked to our me about the one thing that’s more important than commitment, the importance of play in relationship, and why processing could be a bad thing for couples.

Kathlyn Hendricks burst into BC3, scarf flying behind her. She was not wearing a halo, nor was she glowing or levitating. She was human. And she was late.

Kathlyn has been a pioneer in the field of body-mind integration for nearly 40 years—she’s known as the “therapists’ therapist.” She and her husband, Gay Hendricks, have worked with more than 30,000 individuals and 3,000 couples in developing their method of body-centered, relationship transformation. The centerpiece of that method? Their book, Conscious Loving: A Journey to Co-Commitment.

Conscious Loving is used as a textbook in graduate programs around the country—and it has been my relationship Bible for a while. It has gained international respect and has a massive following. (BC3 stands for Boulder Center for Conscious Community… and guess which book is the cornerstone of their teachings?) Their work is known for being especially accessible due to the Hendricks’ ability to communicate on an experiential, body-based level.

I sat down with Kathlyn in a dimly lit room full of pillows, and we talked about how to show up authentically, what telling the microscopic truth really looks like, and the best way to infuse vibrancy into our relationships.

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