I’m not sure why I picked that particular moment—lying in the grass, sunshine ablaze on my eyelids—but I decided that this would be a great time to call Capital One.
I’ve been trying to clear out old shit (that’s the only word that applies) when it comes to money, to increase its attraction to me and my bank account. I’ve been wanting new writing/editing projects lately, and clearing out the old is a pretty good place to start when feeling stuck in the quicksand of broke.
I had been avoiding Capital One since April. That’s five months. Five months spent dreading the call, thinking I would have to muster up anger, self-righteousness, and immerse myself in the hard stance of: “Give me your higher up who can tell me yes!”
That’s such an unnatural state for me. I prefer bliss and harmony. I’m kind of a happy hippie.
I had been mysteriously collecting late fees, which was odd because I never use the card. What could the fees be on $0?
It has been a long time since high school, but I am pretty sure 0 x 0 = 0. Also, 0 \ 0 = 0. Other things like that. So, why was this different?
I decided I would call and try bliss and harmony. I would start by calling my representative by name to establish a sense of intimacy and sisterhood.
“Hello, this is Shaq-::static::-isha, how can I help you?”
“Hi… Shacui-::mumble::-hisha! This is Amy! How are you?”
I told her my story from a wondrous, curious perspective. And do you know what she did? She took off 4 late fees. Four. Cuatro. They had been accruing because apparently I am supposed to pay a $19.99 yearly fee, and even though I hadn’t used the card, this fee still applied.
New equation = $19.99 x 5 months of stress, anxiety and denial = $113.39.
The phone call lasted 7 minutes. This means that each minute on the phone saving me about $13. And, I had definitely spent more than 7 minutes stressing about it for the past five months.
I felt light and dance-y, and I started to head over to my coworking space, blown there blissfully like fluffy dandelion seeds.
I walked straight into the kitchen (as I am wont to do in any type of space), and I ran into the space owner. He asked how my workload is. I responded that I’d been putting all my energy into Live All of You, but that I was still trying to make a complete living.
He then told me about not one, but two, paid writing/editing projects that his company would have for me early next week. For: a local women’s sportswear company (um, yes) and a local natural herbal remedies company (um, hell yes).
So, yes. You could say that I could have run into the owner in the kitchen after any 7-minute activity in the grass on this beautiful day.
But, isn’t it nicer to think of the universe as a blissful, harmonious first responder?