Tag Archives: love

Vibe Your Tribe: How to Know Who To Keep In Your Life (And Who To Release)

Do you know who your people are?

After a series of three divinely timed events in the past week, one of the messages I’ve felt coming through is this:

Be selective about who you spend time with. This energy you give should cycle through you, not drain from you.

Continue reading Vibe Your Tribe: How to Know Who To Keep In Your Life (And Who To Release)

The Key to Feeling Empowered in Conversation (Even If It’s One-Sided)

world connection

Some friends and I were watching a dance performance at the Boulder Theater when a friend-of-a-friend arrived. During an intermission, she began to talk about her recent breakup, and the texts she was now sending him that he wasn’t replying to.

“I told him he was beautiful, and he didn’t say anything. All I need is a ‘thank you.’ Just a ‘thank you.'”

She proceeded to mention a couple of other messages she was “needing” replies from.

When she said it, it knocked me back to the person I am when I say things like this, which is a self that doesn’t quite feel like my full Self. It’s something I’m acutely aware of, and it inspires me to write about how we can start conversations that empower us—even if we never get a response to what we’re expressing.

When we have something to express, how can we communicate what’s truly in our heart?

Often, if we think we need a specific thing in return, it means that we are communicating from a state of lack—that we’re waiting for a response or reaction to fill us up or help us decide what to feel. To need in this way can feel very disempowering.

Continue reading The Key to Feeling Empowered in Conversation (Even If It’s One-Sided)

How to Keep Your Fights Clean in Relationship

amy and tony wedding

Hey guys!

My partner, Tony, and I were recently featured on Raj and Gabrielle Sundra’s Relationship TV.

A snippet from our bio, for some backstory:

“Amy and Tony knew right away that the 1,800 miles between them from Brooklyn, NY and Boulder, CO wouldn’t be able to keep them apart. Like most of us, they hit some bumps along the way, but chose to study, learn and practice building the foundation of their relationship from a place of trust, inquiry and reverence for themselves and each other.”

The theme of our show is, “Keep the Fights Clean: DURING.”

We shared some of our tried-and-true practices for stopping a fight in its tracks and shifting back into a space of wonder, openness and receptivity. My Argument Diffuser box features prominently in this!

Check it out below.

And if you’re wanting any personal direction, perhaps my Conscious Partnership Development coaching is right for you.

Enjoy. :)

How to Make an Argument Diffuser Box for Your Relationship

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Good news, guys! Since my video I published last week, I’ve learned some bare-bones basic techniques in Final Cut Pro, so this video has way less “ums” than it originally did.

If you don’t really believe me since there are still enough “ums” in it to make a drinking game, that’s fine. (I recommend Spanish cider, since it’s 4% ABV. Have fun!)

But really, this post is very meaningful to me.

In this video, I show how I made an Argument Diffuser Box for my relationship—and how you can easily make one too from materials you probably have lying around the house (and if you don’t, I’ve included where you can find some pretty ones below).

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The Argument Diffuser Box is filled with decorated mini-exercises, all rolled up and tied with twine, designed to be plucked from their home when in the midst of a fight or heated discussion.

I authored all of the cards and exercises myself, but a lot of them were inspired from some of my favorite books (listed below the video) on intentional partnership.

The cards are fun and light-hearted, and inspire you to get out of your lizard brain and back into love, play and affection.

I explain much more about them in the video. Enjoy!

Now: Make Your Own!

For the box:

I used a mini-suitcase from a teddy bear my boyfriend gave me a long time ago that I saved because I had a feeling it could be re-used. :) But here are some great ones if you want to go ahead and make it look extra pretty and intentional:

For the notes (cards + writing):

I had some blank business cards from Muji that I hadn’t used, so I stuck with a brown, rustic, natural motif for the entire thing and drew some colorful designs inside the cards. If you want to make things more colorful or cute:

For the wrapping:

At first I thought about just folding the cards up, and then realized that was the most boring thought I’d ever had. Tie them up in style!

Show Notes

Books I Mention (Also My Top 5 Relationship Books):
Also:
  • Sorry my apartment is messy! Tony and I just moved in together and we’re working out storage issues. :)
  • By “epitaph” I meant “epigraph,” and that’s why I’m a writer, not a pronouncer.
  • I’d love to have a Conscious Partnership Development chat with you, anytime.
  • What do you think of my box? Want one? Let me know in a comment!

The Holidays With Loved Ones: 15 More Questions Worth Asking at The Table

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Since my last post, Thanksgiving and Gratitude: Four Real Questions Worth Asking at The Table, turned out to be wildly popular, I decided to post more questions to help you go deeper with your loved ones during the holidays (or any time!).

It is my belief that through self-inquiry and self-expression—in both solitude and community—we can learn to thrive as our whole selves in the world.

Here are 15 questions to help you do that.

Of them, some are sourced from the If: Gathering and spiced with my own flavor, and some are purely from my own inspiration.

Enjoy!

1) If we could pull up one more chair at the table, who would you invite? Why?
2) What is one thing we don’t know about you that you hold sacred?
3) What is trying to be born through you?
4) What are you learning about yourself right now?
5) What are some words that you want to describe this season of your life?
6) Tell a story about an answered prayer or desire that felt magical to you.
7) What makes it easier for you to connect to the Divine?
8) What is one thing that keeps you from being truly authentic with others?
9) What are you believing right now that you know isn’t true?
10) What is one area of your life where you need more strength and support?
11) Share a time when someone else’s honesty gave you permission to be honest.
12) What are you avoiding right now that is important to you?
13) What one thing in your life do you feel like quitting?
14) How have you loved someone in the details of their life lately?
15) What’s one thing you sense the Divine is asking you to do?

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Thanksgiving and Gratitude: Four Real Questions Worth Asking at The Table

family dinner

The most savored Thanksgiving experience I ever had was in Boulder, completely unexpected.

My friends Julie and Chanel took me up into the mountains to a friend’s house. It had sweeping windows, vistas of snow caps from every angle. A very long table was set up on the ground, and we were all invited to sit around it on cushions.

And what I remember most about it was the intention.

There was plenty of food, but there wasn’t this rush to eat it. It was there on our plates, and we were all invited—all 20+ of us—to give thanks before we ate. There was live music, a beautiful singer and guitarist, who played a tune I had stuck in my head for months afterward.

Mainly, there was a softness, a quiet reverence that I loved about it. And after we ate, we stayed talking and drinking, sharing and making new friends.

This one Thanksgiving gave me a greater appreciation for what the holidays can be—if we let them.

This year, I’ll be at 2-3 different Thanksgiving celebrations on the East Coast. And what I desire most right now is connecting to others on a deeper level. This means more than going around the table and half-heartedly blurting out something I’m thankful for.

I want space for honesty. I want space for someone to be so honest that they might say: “You know, I’m really not feeling a lot of gratitude in my life right now” and for that to be welcomed, felt and loved. And then, if they like, explored in a group setting.

And so I have some questions for you that you might like to ask in your own gathering. These questions are sourced with 100% gratitude from the If: Gathering, touched with a dash of my own flavor.

These can be asked all at once at a dinner gathering, or perhaps if you’re with loved ones for a few days this holiday season, you can ask the first one or two at lighter-feeling times and the other two at more intimate times.

1) What are the easy, uncomplicated things that you’re thankful for this season?
2) What are some of the more unexpected or surprising gifts you’ve received this past year?
3) Even in the midst of gratitude, is there something you’re longing for?
4) What might the Divine be inviting you to learn through this longing?

Please, if you use any of these and would like to share with me the results—I’d always love to hear it.

How Jayson Gaddis Lives All of Him: On Relationship As a Vehicle for Self-Knowledge

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This is part of the Live All of You Interview Series! For more on what this is all about, head over to the intro post and make sure to sign up to find out who I’ll be interviewing next.

As I mentioned in my last interview with Sara Avant Stover, October is Boulder, Colorado month. The Live All of You interviews featured during this month are all with people who call Boulder home—just like I do.

Jayson Gaddis is a breakthrough marriage and relationship teacher for smart, successful people. He helps get people the relationship results they want—fast—and only works with the most motivated of individuals and couples who really want to change their patterns for good. He is also the host of the Smart Couple Podcast.

Outside on his lovely balcony in Boulder, we talked about the value of moving toward our pain, how relationship can help us understand ourselves, and the real value of our stories.

Let’s hear from him.

Continue reading How Jayson Gaddis Lives All of Him: On Relationship As a Vehicle for Self-Knowledge

A Story About A Bike + Receiving vs. Manifesting + Love Something A F*cking Lot

When I came back to New York last Friday, my bike was gone. It had three locks on it, but it didn’t matter. It had vanished.

I know. It’s just a bike, right? This happens all the time.

But, sometimes I think about what the thieves were like, where they are now, where my bike is. I think about it being in a warehouse with other bikes, or being sold, or being painted to hide its identity. I think about how they may have plotted to steal it, about how much time it took to hack through my heavy-duty cloth-covered chain in the dead of night.

I wonder who it will belong to now.

On the weekend at my mother’s house in New Jersey, I mourned my bike and the things it gave me: the discovery of neighborhood cafes and restaurants, the freedom of meandering the city to my leisure, the windblown rush of zipping down streets crowded with honking cars—ultimately, a sense of belonging in New York. I would feel it when stopped at a red light with other cyclists, or co-yelling at tourists in the bike lane on the Brooklyn Bridge. We were one unit; we were bicyclists.

I hadn’t historically been the biggest fan of New York—but having a bike had helped to shift that for me. Continue reading A Story About A Bike + Receiving vs. Manifesting + Love Something A F*cking Lot