Tag Archives: lovers

Vibe Your Tribe: How to Know Who To Keep In Your Life (And Who To Release)

Do you know who your people are?

After a series of three divinely timed events in the past week, one of the messages I’ve felt coming through is this:

Be selective about who you spend time with. This energy you give should cycle through you, not drain from you.

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How to Keep Your Fights Clean in Relationship

amy and tony wedding

Hey guys!

My partner, Tony, and I were recently featured on Raj and Gabrielle Sundra’s Relationship TV.

A snippet from our bio, for some backstory:

“Amy and Tony knew right away that the 1,800 miles between them from Brooklyn, NY and Boulder, CO wouldn’t be able to keep them apart. Like most of us, they hit some bumps along the way, but chose to study, learn and practice building the foundation of their relationship from a place of trust, inquiry and reverence for themselves and each other.”

The theme of our show is, “Keep the Fights Clean: DURING.”

We shared some of our tried-and-true practices for stopping a fight in its tracks and shifting back into a space of wonder, openness and receptivity. My Argument Diffuser box features prominently in this!

Check it out below.

And if you’re wanting any personal direction, perhaps my Conscious Partnership Development coaching is right for you.

Enjoy. :)

How to Make an Argument Diffuser Box for Your Relationship

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Good news, guys! Since my video I published last week, I’ve learned some bare-bones basic techniques in Final Cut Pro, so this video has way less “ums” than it originally did.

If you don’t really believe me since there are still enough “ums” in it to make a drinking game, that’s fine. (I recommend Spanish cider, since it’s 4% ABV. Have fun!)

But really, this post is very meaningful to me.

In this video, I show how I made an Argument Diffuser Box for my relationship—and how you can easily make one too from materials you probably have lying around the house (and if you don’t, I’ve included where you can find some pretty ones below).

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The Argument Diffuser Box is filled with decorated mini-exercises, all rolled up and tied with twine, designed to be plucked from their home when in the midst of a fight or heated discussion.

I authored all of the cards and exercises myself, but a lot of them were inspired from some of my favorite books (listed below the video) on intentional partnership.

The cards are fun and light-hearted, and inspire you to get out of your lizard brain and back into love, play and affection.

I explain much more about them in the video. Enjoy!

Now: Make Your Own!

For the box:

I used a mini-suitcase from a teddy bear my boyfriend gave me a long time ago that I saved because I had a feeling it could be re-used. :) But here are some great ones if you want to go ahead and make it look extra pretty and intentional:

For the notes (cards + writing):

I had some blank business cards from Muji that I hadn’t used, so I stuck with a brown, rustic, natural motif for the entire thing and drew some colorful designs inside the cards. If you want to make things more colorful or cute:

For the wrapping:

At first I thought about just folding the cards up, and then realized that was the most boring thought I’d ever had. Tie them up in style!

Show Notes

Books I Mention (Also My Top 5 Relationship Books):
Also:
  • Sorry my apartment is messy! Tony and I just moved in together and we’re working out storage issues. :)
  • By “epitaph” I meant “epigraph,” and that’s why I’m a writer, not a pronouncer.
  • I’d love to have a Conscious Partnership Development chat with you, anytime.
  • What do you think of my box? Want one? Let me know in a comment!

How Jayson Gaddis Lives All of Him: On Relationship As a Vehicle for Self-Knowledge

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This is part of the Live All of You Interview Series! For more on what this is all about, head over to the intro post and make sure to sign up to find out who I’ll be interviewing next.

As I mentioned in my last interview with Sara Avant Stover, October is Boulder, Colorado month. The Live All of You interviews featured during this month are all with people who call Boulder home—just like I do.

Jayson Gaddis is a breakthrough marriage and relationship teacher for smart, successful people. He helps get people the relationship results they want—fast—and only works with the most motivated of individuals and couples who really want to change their patterns for good. He is also the host of the Smart Couple Podcast.

Outside on his lovely balcony in Boulder, we talked about the value of moving toward our pain, how relationship can help us understand ourselves, and the real value of our stories.

Let’s hear from him.

Continue reading How Jayson Gaddis Lives All of Him: On Relationship As a Vehicle for Self-Knowledge

Ignore Your Ego? Maybe It’s Worth a Listen

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I went to an intense yoga class with my teacher two days ago. Everyone felt it; I know this because he said toward the end: “Seven more minutes of class, guys.” And everyone laughed. Because damn, we were all wondering.

In the beginning of class, he shared with us something that resonated with him via one of his teachers, Erich Schiffmann:

In every moment, you’re either connecting to Source or reiterating the ignorance of the ego.

It danced over my skin when he said it.

Throughout class, I thought about it. I thought about how much I was seeing the appearance of ego in my own life lately, and in particular my relationship.

I had been making everything about me. I pointed out to my partner that even the simplest thing he was saying—she’s really really smart, for example—was triggering me. Wasn’t I really smart, too? Yes. Do I want to crawl into a shame hole for even admitting to thinking this way? Yes.

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Renewing Your Relationship Driver’s License | Avocado Mornings #3

Happy Thursday! It’s Avocado Mornings, Episode Three. This week I talk about why it’s important to renew your commitment to your relationship—or rather, your license to continue driving it forward (fun phrasing!). Read the post below, listen to me talk about it, or both.

Here’s the audio link (will open in a new tab): Renewing Your Relationship Driver’s License

You know that feeling when you first move to a city or travel somewhere, and everything around you is so vibrant, so checkered with possibility?

Then as time passes, the wonder starts to fade into the background. It’s like the way you start not seeing things in your home, like something on top of a bookcase or a painting on the wall. When you move out, you might not even remember these things until the walls are bare, because you can hardly see them anymore. They melt into part of a structure that you rely on. And, that you can take for granted if you’re not careful.

We get used to things. We accustom. And this I think, is the most important thing we need to focus on in relationships. In fact, I think it can single-handedly be responsible for killing great relationships.

Continue reading Renewing Your Relationship Driver’s License | Avocado Mornings #3

Scents of Crumbs of Days of Lives

I’ve always enjoyed smelling people as they walk by, generally inside modes of transportation. Tight spaces, forced hallways. On trains, buses, planes. I inhale the waft they leave behind, the layers of their days. Their mornings, their showers, their indiscretions.

I generally like the smell of women more. When an intriguing woman walks by, I make my nostrils sive-like to distill her smell and form an opinion about her. Not so much men, women are the ones, licking at my nose, apple sweet.

Once, there was a Scorpio man I was in love with who was not in love with me, which at that time in my life was the only kind of man I could love.

I could smell him before he came into a room or after he left it. I don’t mean his cologne; I mean him. His being, his incense. His life, what he showered with, what he left on him from where he’d just been. I loved it. I loved feeling in tune with him, if only in this way. It made me feel poetic.

One day, I was walking down the hallway to my office and I smelled him. It always made my heart gymnastic; I went in, blood cooling after the swell. But, it seemed he wasn’t there.

Continue reading Scents of Crumbs of Days of Lives